Defining my Sexuality

I broke down my life to see if I am really gay or not. 

1. My first kiss was with a girl. The first time I had an orgasm with another individual it was a female.

2. I told my brothers when I was like nine that I liked girls. There were no girls that I actually liked. For some reason, I just felt like it. 

3. When I was 11 I fantasized about how nice it would be to have my own place and come home to a woman every night. 

4. At 14, I had my first crush on a girl. 

5. My sophomore year in high school there was this girl I wanted to talk to but I was scared. 

6. I told my friends at 22 that I was bisexual. 

7. I have always had a nagging jealous type of feeling when I see other lesbian couples. I have never felt this way about straight couples.

During the time with my husband whom I’ve been with since 17, I have talked to numerous women. Men too but not nearly as much as women. During my time as a kid I had been perceived as “boy crazy” but honestly most guys I didn’t care for, I talked to them just to do it. As I get older, I am less and less attracted to men.  

I really feel like I’m gay. I’m not completely sure because when I see dark skin men, the really dark ones, I still feel very attracted to them. Still the thought of putting another dick in my mouth makes me feel ugh. 

Even when I did it for my husband it made me feel disrespected, even though I liked pleasing him at some point. I can honestly say it’s been over a year since I have enjoyed sex with him.  

I’ve known for a very long time that if him and I ended, I would be with women. 

Honestly, being straight is very, very hard for me. The hardest part about being with a women is dealing with society. Which, for the most part is disturbed by it.  


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