Donald Sterling… News or nah?

I’m sure by now we have all heard about the Clippers’ owner being racist. First, I’m not surprised. This won’t be a rant about racism because honestly, gay shit means more to me. But I have a few opinions on this. 

Let me start by saying that I hate sports and randomly ran into this story on youtube while watching Family Feud videos.

Yes, he’s retarded. He has a young ass, pretty ass, half black girlfriend but feels like it’s ok to demean half of her. He’s the type of person who thinks that slavery benefitted black people because we don’t have to live in a poverty stricken Africa. I have seen someone who actually believes this. I can’t make this stuff up.

I’m sure that we all have racist thoughts or basic characteristics that we associate with a certain type of people. I personally don’t actually associated people with their race when forming opinions of them.

Who you are in this World dictates what you can and can’t say. Simply put, it’s probably not ok for Obama to call anyone an asshole publicly. That’s not racist, sexist, nationalist, but it is kind of mean and low class when when think about our president.

I definitely believe that people have a right say whatever they want however, I also believe that you must deal with the consequences accordingly. 

The man is 80 and old as shit… seriously. He’s gonna make a grip when he sells the team and it’s basically impossible to teach an 80 year old anything when it comes to beliefs and personality… why try?

The chick tho! We all know that she was too young and too cute to be with him anyway. I assume that she would’ve stayed around longer had he not degraded her simply for being half black. I put up with more from my soon-to-be ex husband.

Ok, so we won’t address how this woman is 60 years younger than him. There are so many things wrong with this story. Oh! The killer is that the NAACP was about to give this bigot a lifetime achievement award… fucked my head up!

Recording a conversation is illegal if the other person doesn’t know they’re being recorded. Something his lawyer may or may not address. 

The truth is, all of this shits irrelevant. If it wakes people up and let them know that there is racism in this country, I like it. The people that are most outraged are the team I’m sure. I think they are most affected by this and my heart goes out to them.

It’s already disturbing that most of the players on these sports teams are black and more often than not, the team is owned by some old white man who’s ancestors probably owned slaves. 

Anyway, when it comes to old people, you have to realize that they don’t give a fuck. They’re old. They say what they think. They already lived that life where they had to hold their tongue. Why do it until your deathbed?

Glamorously in the closet plus other stuff

There must be some type of glamorous ideals associated with “coming out.’ When I was deciding whether or not I should actually come spend the week with my girlfriend, I actually felt down about how it’s not so glamorous to be gay. lol. 

No, honestly I think there is some type of anticipation associated with coming out… before I came out here to be all free and open, I considered how anti-climatic this openly gay life would be. 

I’ve been watching all these videos and obsessing over how to tell my family. Honestly, it has been kind of dry and unappealing. I am almost 100% certain that no one will care. They will all look at me and say… “ok” lmao. That will be the end of that. 

I raided my gf’s stuff and found a rainbow ring… Hey!! I ain’t mad. So I put on the ring and rode to the train station. I’m all rainbow geared out. I’m putting my stuff in my seat, like I like it and the guy next to me looks at my ring, then introduces himself. He was obviously gay lol. 

Good experience? I think so.

Honestly, the time I spent with her was really awesome. I wish it didn’t have to end. Unfortunately, this is real life and I have to be without. I can say that I enjoyed her more and more each day.

Let’s talk about my experiences while I’ve been laying under a hot sexy body. The first issue… my husband. At first he was texting me non stop everyday. Then he found out where I was because he signed into my phone account online. He called it an accident… stalked much? He was so mad. I can’t deny that I was laughing. 

The other thing that happened was the first girl I ever talked to text me. Any time I get seriously involved with someone, she pops up. It’s like magic and shit.  Last year I fell in love with this girl. The first woman I ever loved liked that. I hope this explains the stupidity in the story I’m about to tell. There was no one on Earth I wanted to be with more than her. Let’s call her Sharice. That seems like a nice girlie name that doesn’t describe her at all.

To sum up Sharice and I, we met last year mid April. We were talking but not in a relationship. We were having issues, I used to go off on her BUT I was trying to change. Probably the same way my husband was “trying” to change how he mistreated me. She taught me that I can’t talk to people any way I want to … even if I am mad. It was a much needed lesson I think.

I swear that girl was my everything but then all of a sudden, it was over. 

In June she just popped up with a girlfriend. I was so hurt. I can’t even describe the pain I felt. I just told her that I was done and we can’t be friends or anything. A month later I contacted her like “I miss you” “I don’t want to live without you.” I was serious too. So we started talking again. 

She broke up with her girlfriend then about a month or so later she got back with her girlfriend and completely stopped talking to me. I was seriously devastated, There are no other words to describe how I felt. I was calling and texting her but she wouldn’t answer me back. I only tried for a few days, then I let it go. 

So after about a month of not hearing from her, she contacts me out of the blue. I accept her back with a little more caution but I still wanted to be with her.  Plus she told me that she loved me. I figured she did even if she hadn’t said it al that time. My emotions wanted her. My brain kept asking me “Am I stupid?” My conclusion is yes. I absolutely am stupid.

Let me tell you the really stupid part. In December, I was talking to this chick exclusively, she wanted to be my girlfriend and I kept saying no. Then Sharice broke up with her girlfriend. I was actually concerned that if I got a girlfriend it would ruin my chances with her. A shame I know. 

They broke up for a good month I guess. She actually got mad at me for calling her, her girlfriend.

Fast forward to a little over a month ago, I text her and didn’t hear anything back. I saw that she was back with her girlfriend and just assumed that the same shit was just happening again. My feelings were hurt but by now I’m used to it and I have a girlfriend so I wasn’t tripping about it. 

Anyway, she text me and claim that she got a new phone and all her contacts had been deleted. She told me that she had been trying to figure out my number.

I ask her about her love life. She says, “I’m still with my girlfriend it’ll be a year in June.” 

Then I say, “Still? lol. I remember y’all being on and off, but last time I checked y’all were off.”

Apparently I was being condescending lmao. 

I tell her my conclusion about not talking to me because she got back with her girlfriend. She wants to pretend like that wasn’t the reason but I just feel like I been through it before. What she doesn’t understand is that I don’t care. She’s crazy, her bitch is crazy, they belong together. Not to be rude. 
     

The Art of Coming Out part II

I’m spending a week with my girlfriend and I basically get to be openly “out” for lack of a better word. So, I do get way more stares. That honestly doesn’t bother me at all. But we were on the bus riding back from Walmart (I know, I prefer not to shop there), and this older man and woman were on there and it had been the second time I’d seen them. She had an accent I’m not sure if he did since he didn’t say anything. They were both black and she sounded like she was from an island like Jamaica or something.

He was passing us, walking down the aisle. I was holding my girlfriend’s hand. I pretty much watched him the whole time. I’m not sure why, he just made me curious I guess. He looked at our hands. Then looked at me. I smiled at him and he frowned at me.

I’m not used to getting that type of response from people. I’m going to be honest, the thought of a random person frowning at me because who I choose to be with had never crossed my mind. I would call that more than anything something that opened my eyes. It is hard enough being black without adding the LGBT title.

I wasn’t mad or hurt, I actually find it kind of amusing minus the fact that I fear being targeted for a hate crime. It’s kind of weird to feel as if I’m in more danger for being “out” of the closet than in. Am I the only one who has these fears? People in life are so ridiculous.

There was an incident at the liquor store. We were arguing in a very playful manner and the cashier, who seemed to be the owner or manager, I’m not sure, seemed delighted to have us. He was very amused by our banter.

I suppose I can take the good with the bad. In this case I really don’t have a choice, I just want to be who I am. I really am doing my best to avoid allowing what other people think to influence my life.

I feel like people want you to make decisions that would fit their life more than your own. That’s not to say that people can’t give good advice, just that you have to ask the person with the correct perspective. You wouldn’t ask someone who’s never had a job advice on a resume and if you do, I would question how serious you are about this job that you want.

People can never really know how it feels to be you and go through what you’ve experienced. Experiences affect the way we think, our emotions, and even our decisions. Sometimes people and their negativity can sway our decisions or efforts that we make.

I don’t really want to hear people’s advice or “I told you so” if/when things go wrong. I’m not living my life to be right. I’m living my life to be me. I assume that finding my way means that some people will be unhappy about it. I guess I will notice whether those people are relevant or not.