Glamorously in the closet plus other stuff

There must be some type of glamorous ideals associated with “coming out.’ When I was deciding whether or not I should actually come spend the week with my girlfriend, I actually felt down about how it’s not so glamorous to be gay. lol. 

No, honestly I think there is some type of anticipation associated with coming out… before I came out here to be all free and open, I considered how anti-climatic this openly gay life would be. 

I’ve been watching all these videos and obsessing over how to tell my family. Honestly, it has been kind of dry and unappealing. I am almost 100% certain that no one will care. They will all look at me and say… “ok” lmao. That will be the end of that. 

I raided my gf’s stuff and found a rainbow ring… Hey!! I ain’t mad. So I put on the ring and rode to the train station. I’m all rainbow geared out. I’m putting my stuff in my seat, like I like it and the guy next to me looks at my ring, then introduces himself. He was obviously gay lol. 

Good experience? I think so.

Honestly, the time I spent with her was really awesome. I wish it didn’t have to end. Unfortunately, this is real life and I have to be without. I can say that I enjoyed her more and more each day.

Let’s talk about my experiences while I’ve been laying under a hot sexy body. The first issue… my husband. At first he was texting me non stop everyday. Then he found out where I was because he signed into my phone account online. He called it an accident… stalked much? He was so mad. I can’t deny that I was laughing. 

The other thing that happened was the first girl I ever talked to text me. Any time I get seriously involved with someone, she pops up. It’s like magic and shit.  Last year I fell in love with this girl. The first woman I ever loved liked that. I hope this explains the stupidity in the story I’m about to tell. There was no one on Earth I wanted to be with more than her. Let’s call her Sharice. That seems like a nice girlie name that doesn’t describe her at all.

To sum up Sharice and I, we met last year mid April. We were talking but not in a relationship. We were having issues, I used to go off on her BUT I was trying to change. Probably the same way my husband was “trying” to change how he mistreated me. She taught me that I can’t talk to people any way I want to … even if I am mad. It was a much needed lesson I think.

I swear that girl was my everything but then all of a sudden, it was over. 

In June she just popped up with a girlfriend. I was so hurt. I can’t even describe the pain I felt. I just told her that I was done and we can’t be friends or anything. A month later I contacted her like “I miss you” “I don’t want to live without you.” I was serious too. So we started talking again. 

She broke up with her girlfriend then about a month or so later she got back with her girlfriend and completely stopped talking to me. I was seriously devastated, There are no other words to describe how I felt. I was calling and texting her but she wouldn’t answer me back. I only tried for a few days, then I let it go. 

So after about a month of not hearing from her, she contacts me out of the blue. I accept her back with a little more caution but I still wanted to be with her.  Plus she told me that she loved me. I figured she did even if she hadn’t said it al that time. My emotions wanted her. My brain kept asking me “Am I stupid?” My conclusion is yes. I absolutely am stupid.

Let me tell you the really stupid part. In December, I was talking to this chick exclusively, she wanted to be my girlfriend and I kept saying no. Then Sharice broke up with her girlfriend. I was actually concerned that if I got a girlfriend it would ruin my chances with her. A shame I know. 

They broke up for a good month I guess. She actually got mad at me for calling her, her girlfriend.

Fast forward to a little over a month ago, I text her and didn’t hear anything back. I saw that she was back with her girlfriend and just assumed that the same shit was just happening again. My feelings were hurt but by now I’m used to it and I have a girlfriend so I wasn’t tripping about it. 

Anyway, she text me and claim that she got a new phone and all her contacts had been deleted. She told me that she had been trying to figure out my number.

I ask her about her love life. She says, “I’m still with my girlfriend it’ll be a year in June.” 

Then I say, “Still? lol. I remember y’all being on and off, but last time I checked y’all were off.”

Apparently I was being condescending lmao. 

I tell her my conclusion about not talking to me because she got back with her girlfriend. She wants to pretend like that wasn’t the reason but I just feel like I been through it before. What she doesn’t understand is that I don’t care. She’s crazy, her bitch is crazy, they belong together. Not to be rude. 
     

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