Category Archives: society

EP 12: Life after Ecstasty

“We didn’t find semen but there were traces of spermicide so he must have used a condom.” The doctor said.

Arianna looked sick. The nurse, Abigail, felt for her. This was her first time dealing with a rape victim and it brought tears to her eyes.

“We found traces of methylene-dioxymethamphetamine in your system which is why you remember doing it but don’t feel like you consented.”

“Oh my God, what is that?” Arianna asked frightened.

“It’s Ecstasy.” Abigail clarified.

“It’s what?!” Tears trickled down her cheeks. She felt violated.

“Your blood alcohol level was still high, especially since you haven’t drank since last night,” The doctor continued.

“I drank before I went over there.” Arianna exhaled, shaking her head.

“I know you’re a little shaken up right now. It’s not your fault.” Abigail tried to comfort her.

“It’s fine.” Arianna dried her tears.

She got into her car and headed home. It was like her World was crashing around her. There was too much going on. She called Shane to make herself feel better. He answered right away.

“Hi, Shane.”

“Ari, is everything ok?”

“Yes, I’m fine. There’s a lot going on. I just found out my best friend is in the hospital… and Malachi left.”

Shane smiled to himself. Maybe he would get the satisfaction of having Arianna to himself. “You’re feeling alright?”

“Not really but I’m handling everything as it comes.”

They talked until Arianna reached her house. “Um, let me call you back,” she said then hung up the phone.  She was surprised to see Malachi’s car when she pulled up and was hesitant to walk in.

“So, I leave and you stay out all night?” Malachi accused when she walked through the door.

“I went to Danielle’s because she didn’t answer.” Arianna wishes she would’ve stayed home last night.

“Bullshit.”

“Malachi, I don’t want to argue. I’ve had a really long day.” The tears formed in her eyes, falling gently down her face.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” He was pained to see Arianna cry.

“Nothing.” Arianna got in the shower and turned the water as hot as it would go. She attempted to wash away the shame and betrayal she felt.

“What’s going on Arianna?” Malachi asked from the door.

“Can I just please have a minute?” She begged from the shower. She broke down, crying hysterically. She had cried before but it finally hit her what had happened. Scenes from that night flashed in and out of her head making her nauseous. When Danielle finds out she’ll be devastated. And Arianna was ashamed. She was so ashamed. She scrubbed her skin raw under the hot water turning it red.

“Arianna, what’s wrong?” Malachi had never seen her break down. He had been with her through some pretty hard times. He was worried.

She wouldn’t answer. The hot water pelted her body. She wanted to wash the dirtiness away. She wanted to forget this whole thing happened.

She got out the shower and Malachi was waiting for her when she opened the door. He wrapped his arms around her and she found comfort in his arms. She needed him right now.

Her phone rang surprising her. She didn’t recognize the phone number, but she answered anyway.

“This is Arianna,” She said pushing Malachi away. She went into Carter’s room and closed the door.

“Hey beautiful,” she heard.

“Stacey?”

“Yeah. How are you? I really want to talk about what happened between us last night.”

“What do you mean between us? You drugged me. I would’ve never slept with you if you wouldn’t have put something in my drink. Loser.”

“That may be true but you had a good time. Orgasms don’t lie.”

“Stacey. What is wrong with you? Don’t call my phone ever again.” She hung up.

“What’s wrong?” Malachi asked from the other room concerned.

“Nothing.” She claimed. But there was something wrong. There was a lot wrong. The tears flowed freely from her eyes onto the pillow she held to comfort her. She rested in Carter’s twin size bed feeling horrified by what happened to her.

The next morning Arianna woke up and headed to the police station. She looked stressed and sad to the officer. The officer helped her with the police report but it was very uncomfortable. The details they asked for traumatized her all over again. She was embarrassed that she went over there drunk and even more embarrassed that she didn’t catch on to the extra sugar being something else.

She called to see if Danielle was still at the hospital. She’d been released and Arianna wanted to see her.

“Danielle, where are you?” Arianna said after Danielle answered.

“I’m at home.”

“With Stacey?”

“No she went to work, or wherever she goes.” Danielle commented suspiciously.

“Cool. I want to swing by.”

“Ok, I’ll be here. I’m not cleared to go back to work. They sent the work anyway.” She laughed. I’m getting rest though.”

Arianna headed to Danielle’s house. She walked in and found Danielle in her living room on the pull out bed.

“I thought you would be in your bed.”

“I figure if I have to stay in bed another week I want to be in a bigger space. The hospital made me want to pull all of my hair out.”

“I’m glad your back home.” Arianna smiled then sat next to her best friend.

“There has been a lot going on lately. Malachi left the other night.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Arianna said hesitantly and looked away.

“Why? I thought you two were good.”

“Well, there’s this guy at work. Shane.”

“Shit, I guess I’m not the only one then.” Danielle laughed. “Shane huh? What’s he like?” Arianna told her about Shane.

.

“Girl, you a hot ass mess.” She laughed, “What is wrong Malachi?”

“His jealousy for one.”

“He should be jealous, you’re messing with a coworker.” She laughed uncontrollably.

“He’s jealous of you.”

“Of me?” Danielle looked puzzled.

“Yeah, he thinks you and I are… you know.” She looked at Danielle suggestively.

“No I don’t know.” Danielle raised her eyebrow.

“He thinks we’re sleeping together.” Arianna confessed.

Danielle’s eyes widened, then she burst into laughter, “Arianna!” She threw a pillow at her.

Arianna laughed with her. This wasn’t the reaction she expected but it was making her feel so much better. “Why are you hitting me, that’s what he said?”

“Ew, you told him about the time we made out.” Danielle smiled and made kissy faces at Arianna.

“Oh my God you’re so gross.” Arianna slapped her shoulder. Then lay in her lap. “Remember those college days?” Danielle nodded. “I miss them.”

“Well, they were good times,” Danielle agreed smiling.

“I’m thinking about taking the bar again. I just need something new,” Arianna blurted out.

“Well, I can help you study.” Danielle offered.

“Thanks.” Arianna said. A tear fell down her cheek, Danielle was more than her best friend. She was her support system.

Diary of a Dying Man

I turned the corner, my heart pounding. I looked left watching as people walked the street normally. Not being witness to the horror that I’d encountered with my own eyes. I pulled my hood up slipping into the nearest clothing store I could find. Funny how my teenage daughter crossed my mind at this very moment. If I make it out of this alive, I am definitely getting in touch with her.

I purchased a new coat and a scarf that I ensured covered my face. Boston was no stranger to cold weather so it was very easy to hide myself. I reached into my pocket touching the pen that my boss had given me. She told me that if I were ever in trouble I would be able to use it. But it could only be used one time, so I needed to ensure its safety until then. I did not know what would come of the pen that would bring me some kind of instant salvation. It was a nice thought though.

I walked down the street blending in with the evening foot traffic. It would be hard for them to find me now. I caught the subway back to the safe house. As hard as I had worked, I’ve always known that one day it would come to this point.

I sat down at the table, pouring myself a glass of wine. It was almost guaranteed that I will die tonight yet the only thing I can think of is how I will finish this mission even through my death.

I collected my lap top from the hidden compartment in the table. I compressed all the files and sent them to three people. I called my daughter unable to resist hearing her voice one last time. She had never known me but I have always been here for her. It was always important that I avoided the people from the past. She should know that not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.

I don’t do this job because I love my country, or the law, or justice. I do this job because I’m good at it and I actually like it. It’s just a plus that I get to hurt assholes. I slid my laptop back into the table after wiping it clean.

I checked outside to see cars approaching. There was definitely a leak. I had lived the last fifteen years with an unwavering adrenaline rush. I could feel it now. I heart pounded. My hearing was magnified and I could hear foot steps approaching the door.

Suddenly five men entered into the safe house. I looked them in the eye and pointed the pen directly at them pressing down.

The Art of Coming Out part II

I’m spending a week with my girlfriend and I basically get to be openly “out” for lack of a better word. So, I do get way more stares. That honestly doesn’t bother me at all. But we were on the bus riding back from Walmart (I know, I prefer not to shop there), and this older man and woman were on there and it had been the second time I’d seen them. She had an accent I’m not sure if he did since he didn’t say anything. They were both black and she sounded like she was from an island like Jamaica or something.

He was passing us, walking down the aisle. I was holding my girlfriend’s hand. I pretty much watched him the whole time. I’m not sure why, he just made me curious I guess. He looked at our hands. Then looked at me. I smiled at him and he frowned at me.

I’m not used to getting that type of response from people. I’m going to be honest, the thought of a random person frowning at me because who I choose to be with had never crossed my mind. I would call that more than anything something that opened my eyes. It is hard enough being black without adding the LGBT title.

I wasn’t mad or hurt, I actually find it kind of amusing minus the fact that I fear being targeted for a hate crime. It’s kind of weird to feel as if I’m in more danger for being “out” of the closet than in. Am I the only one who has these fears? People in life are so ridiculous.

There was an incident at the liquor store. We were arguing in a very playful manner and the cashier, who seemed to be the owner or manager, I’m not sure, seemed delighted to have us. He was very amused by our banter.

I suppose I can take the good with the bad. In this case I really don’t have a choice, I just want to be who I am. I really am doing my best to avoid allowing what other people think to influence my life.

I feel like people want you to make decisions that would fit their life more than your own. That’s not to say that people can’t give good advice, just that you have to ask the person with the correct perspective. You wouldn’t ask someone who’s never had a job advice on a resume and if you do, I would question how serious you are about this job that you want.

People can never really know how it feels to be you and go through what you’ve experienced. Experiences affect the way we think, our emotions, and even our decisions. Sometimes people and their negativity can sway our decisions or efforts that we make.

I don’t really want to hear people’s advice or “I told you so” if/when things go wrong. I’m not living my life to be right. I’m living my life to be me. I assume that finding my way means that some people will be unhappy about it. I guess I will notice whether those people are relevant or not.

Absolute Truths, Who are You?

I was watching Bones, what? I love that show. Beautiful cast plus it’s about murder and mystery. You can’t go wrong with that.
Anyway Boothe said, “Well people can be more than one thing.” It doesn’t really matter the context he used it in because it can be used any context. It’s so many times in life that we define people by their actions as opposed to who they are. I think as good people we should sometimes look past obvious flaws to get to the root of people and who they are. That’s not to say that you’re supposed to start believing a friend that is a habitual liar or let your thieving cousin spend the night at your house alone.
What I’m saying is that you should love people and accept them regardless of their flaws. You don’t have to hate your cousin or your friend for what they do. It’s not the only thing they are. Everyone has a story and you never know what people go through. I am very blessed in my life but I’ve faced some real tragedies in this past year. I know that the things that have happened to me are not unique. They happen to people all the time. They’re happening right now and trust me, my heart goes out to all those suffering.
So the next time you want to judge the thief or the liar or whatever label you want to smack on them, don’t. None of us are one thing.

Reflection

I applied my eye liner as his voice popped into my head, “You know it’s wrong. This guy is bad news Alicia.”

I snatched the plane tickets from his hand, “You never could accept him, I’m not gonna try to make you.”

“Please try to see my side in this!?”

I remember getting in his face and looking him straight in his eyes. I gave him the meanest look I could. “I don’t need your advice. I don’t need you!” I waved the tickets in his face.

My mind was brought back to the present as I adjusted my weave slightly. “Beautiful,” I thought to myself.  I finished my makeup with lipstick.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I see pure perfection; premium ass shots that ran 10 grand. I have the best assets here if you know what I mean. I had my tits done for seven grand. My body is fantastic. I admired the gray colored contacts I flossed. Men flocked to me and even women want to get a piece of this.

My mind flashed back to that night and the pain I felt when he spoke to me, “I’m leaving Alicia. I wish it were different.”

My heart thumped in my chest. I couldn’t understand why this was such a big deal to him but I kind of knew this day would come. I sucked it up and I let him walk out of my life. That was years ago and I had come so far since that day. My money, my body, and my mind have all been changed.

Right now Lil’ Tony was the newest rapper in the industry. I want to get close to him during this video shoot. My outfit is all white, basically see through. Hell, it’s closer to a bathing suit.

I walked onto the set and stood next to the rest of the models. I am definitely the prettiest. Light skin, gray eyes, the body of a goddess and weave down to my ass. I don’t buy the cheap stuff either. My weave is always top of the line Indian hair. I see at least three of these girls’ weave glue and the number of lace fronts made my head hurt.

The desperation in most of these girls made my stomach turn. They actually think being a video model will pay their bills. I’m smarter than them, much smarter. I do these videos to get close to rich rappers. My record is solid. Platinum J, Billionaire Boss, and a few others, I don’t like to drop names but I do.

Dating rappers has landed me penthouses, clothes, cars, money, and I don’t even have to have sex with them much because they often find it elsewhere. Actually the sex is normally disappointing. I don’t even know why expect much anyway.

I smiled to myself. They like their personal strippers. Later that night I had Lil’ Tony eating out the palm of my hand. The way I slid down his pole was like a professional. I learned that even though these men get offered sex often, it’s not like my sex game. My flexibility is out of this World and I can’t even begin to explain my tongue game. Typically, they always come back for more.

You see, they think the little bit of money is just change and it is to them. I have my modeling gigs. I do the whole social networking thing. I have over two million followers on Twitter. It’s because how fine I am. My Instagram is crazy too. Of course, my pictures are always fantastic. I even have a small clothing line and I was thinking about getting into sex toys. I’m sure they sell well.

The next morning I woke up with a banging headache. I opened my eyes but everything was blurry. I smelled water, not like a pool but salty like the ocean. I could hear waves splashing against what I assumed was a boat. I tried to roll over but my hands were handcuffed. I tried yanking my arms but felt weak, I couldn’t move. I heard footsteps. “Hello!” I screamed as loud as I could. The strength it took to yell was making me weaker. My heart raced as fear set in. Where am I? Tears start running down my face as yelled, “help! Somebody! Please!” I felt the panic deep inside me and could hear my heart beating faster in my ear. My palms were sweating and I could feel the moisture dripping down my face. A tear escaped my eye as I figured today would be my last day in this lovely Earth.

When I was a child I would love to hang out in the forest preserve with my friends. Sticks and flowers seemed to be all we needed to stay entertained. I inhaled deeply imagining the smell from those times. My nose was always pleasantly assaulted with the scent of grasses, oak, and an endless amount of flowers. I pictured the deer we’d witness eating or running through there at one time or another.

Then we got into boys, weed, and liquor. It’s been a wrap since then. My best friend growing up is dead. Her abusive boyfriend killed her by accident. We kept telling her to leave him. Being called a bitch is one thing, being punched in the face is another. My other friend LaLa is currently in jail for not wanting to snitch on her drug dealing boyfriend. Both of their experiences taught me not to mess with drug dealers and to leave at the first sign of violence. I will leave if a man even raises his voice to me. A lot has changed since those days in the trees.

I thought about my father again and how our fight seems so petty now. What I wouldn’t give for my daddy to come get me. When he walked out the door, he left forever. He had always tried but spending my early years with a crack addict made me hate him. My mom was the worst while he ran around doing God knows what. Still… I love him and would like to have him back. I thought about all the rappers who had given me money and the people that I hurt in my voyage to the top. I realized that if I do die today, there would be no one to miss me. Hell I don’t even know if anyone likes me. everything that has been so valuable to me, seems very unimportant at this moment.

If I make it out of here alive, I’m changing my life. I have enough money to start my own business and I could stop being bothered with these rappers. My mom, crack addict or not was someone that I love dearly. I figured one day I could help get her off of that stuff. Just once do something good for someone I love. It’s just that I got so distracted by the glitz and the glamour. I valued the way women envied me and the way men pined after me. It distracted me from what was important in life.  Tears streamed down my face as I felt my life slipping away from me. Why am I here? What’s next?

“She’s awake,” I heard a man whisper.

“Hello,” I screamed again. I saw a blurry figure enter the room.

“What do you want?” I cried out weakly.

“Calm down,” the familiar voice urged, “everything is ok.”

“Who are you?” I asked panting somewhat.

He chuckled, “We go through this every time Alicia. That’s why I use handcuffs now.”

“How do you know my name?” I asked fearful of the answer.

“We’re friends,” He said moving closer to me.

“I don’t have friends.” I tried to move as far away from him as I could but my body felt paralyzed and the handcuffs were starting to dig into my skin.

“It’s ok,” he cooed as he stuck a needle into my arm. I felt the liquid travel into my veins and knock me out.

I woke up next to Lil’ Tony. He was still asleep so I crept off to the bathroom. Usually I get ready before the men wake up to avoid them seeing my imperfect face. I feel different. I’m a little woozy but that could be from the champagne last night. I looked down at my arm and saw a speckle of blood. Where did that come from?  It looks as though my bracelet left an imprint on my wrists, which I don’t believe has ever happened before. I felt that there was something I was supposed to remember about my dream maybe? I left Lil’ Tony my number and headed home. I just wish I could remember what I don’t remember.