Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ep 8: Caught in the Middle

Last night when Danielle got home from work, the table was set and dinner was ready. They had wine and Stacey ran her a bubble bath. Danielle’s night ended with a full body massage from Stacey, something she hadn’t had in a really long time.

Stacey is a licensed massage therapist and the district manager for Salon and Body Works, an upscale salon that offers manicures, pedicures, haircuts, and full body massages.

Danielle lie on the massage table feeling relaxed. The scented candles and oils filled her nostrils forcing her to think of an ecstasy only Stacey could take her to.

Stacey’s hands were soft but firm. She massaged the tension from Danielle’s shoulders.  Her hands caressed damn near every inch of her body leaving Danielle filled with a burning desire. She moaned in pleasure.

“What has gotten into you?” Danielle asked breathlessly.

“You baby. I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either,” Danielle admitted.

Stacey finished at Danielle’s feet. “Thank you for giving me a chance to make everything up to you.”

Danielle lie on her stomach wearing nothing but her G-string as Stacey packed up the massage oils. Stacey was sure Danielle wore that to tease her. She took one more glance and walked out of the room.

What did Stacey want from her? Surely she wanted sex. Danielle certainly did. She grabbed her robe and went to find Stacey. She was in the living room pulling out the sofa.

“Why don’t you come to bed with me tonight?” Danielle suggested.

“I would love to. But I want more than that. I want to prove that I can be a good woman to you.”

“Ok.” Danielle blushed. She went to bed last night on cloud nine. Stacey was behaving better than she was in the beginning.  Jordan crossed her mind. She’d only known her for a short period but the connection they had was like they had known one another for years.

Stacey grabbed her hand, “Don’t worry.”

Danielle smiled guiltily. She went to bed very confused as to what she wants to do with this relationship. A part of her wants to stay to see what this new Stacey is like. A part of her feels she should just move on with her life like the original plan.

The next morning Danielle woke up to the smell of breakfast. She met Stacey in the kitchen. “Mm, what smells so good?”

“Breakfast. We have waffles, scrambled eggs, bacon, and hash browns.”

“That sounds good! I want some.” Danielle smiled and sat at the table.

“Of course! Only the best for you love.” Stacey brought her breakfast.

“How did you sleep?” Stacey asked as she sat down.

“I slept great.” Danielle looked at her plate ready to dig in. Her phone beeped with a text alert. She checked. It was Jordan. Where are you? She deleted it. She was a great woman but Danielle didn’t understand the feelings she had for her in just this short period of time. On top of that, Stacey has been acting like she wants to work it out.

Stacey glanced at her suspicious of the text message. She was legitimately concerned that Danielle had met someone else. She’d realize that although the relationship wasn’t what it had been in the beginning Stacey really couldn’t imagine Danielle being with anyone else.

Danielle got out of work a little early and headed to the car wash. It had been weeks since she had it done. She thought about Jordan again as she admired the city.

The south side of the city had changed dramatically. At least on Hamilton Street. There were new restaurants and stores.

Danielle stopped at the light and read the signs posted on the bakery next to her. In her rearview, she saw a black SUV speeding at her. She looked to see if she could go right but the cross traffic was heavy. She couldn’t move. The SUV slammed into the back of her car. Her head hit the steering wheel and the car slid into the intersection. She was hit from the side and lost complete control of the car. Her neck snapped back and she lost consciousness.

Paulina drove the black Jeep she’d stolen in a nearby underground parking garage. She changed her outfit. She could hear the sirens now. She walked back to the intersection where she caused the accident.

The police and paramedics and rushed to the scene. Danielle’s head was snapped to the side in an awkward position. The paramedics feared she suffered from a broken neck.

When she arrived to the hospital they contacted Stacey right away. Stacey, in a panic, rushed to the hospital.

“What happened?” She asked the doctor.

“We’re not sure. She just got here. She has a concussion and a sprained neck. She’s been in and out of consciousness but not long enough to say much. Right now she’s sleeping.”

“So she’s ok?” Stacey ask worried.

“She’s stable and I do believe she will make a full recovery. We’ll have to keep her for a couple days.”

Stacey thanked the doctor and headed to Danielle’s room. She looked terrible. Both her eyes were black and swollen. She was covered in bruises and had a brace around her neck but she was sleeping peacefully.

Stacey was sad that Danielle was hurt but she was happy she would get a break for at least a couple days. Being that great girlfriend that Danielle wanted required more than Stacey could stand. Why did she crave so much attention?

Well, tonight she was free and she knew just who to call.

Temptation and Betrayal

EP 6: Past Lives

It’s been two days since Jordan heard from Danielle. She really didn’t know how to feel about it but assumed that maybe she was busy. Or scared. Either way Jordan was not feeling good about the situation at all.

There were a lot of things that the two of them hadn’t talked about. Like whether they were single. How could she forget to ask? Danielle was so interested in her that it had to be real. But what if she has someone at home.

“Mom can you take me to school today?” Her 12-year-old daughter, Kiyah, asked from the bathroom.

“Are your legs broken?”

“C’mon mom please?”

“Ok girl, hurry up then.”

“Can you take me to McDonald’s too?” Kiyah asked smiling.

“I knew this was a set up. I can’t trust you,” Jordan said laughing and shaking her head. “Sure.”

Kiyah ran to finish getting ready.

She talked Jordan’s ear off the entire time they were in the car together. Jordan kept thinking about how Kiyah will be starting Middle School this coming school year. It was hard to believe. It seemed like just yesterday she was telling her mom that she was pregnant.

As Jordan headed to work she thought about Danielle again. What was keeping her?

She texted her again, Where are you? and still didn’t get a response. She was feeling a little disappointed because they really hit it off the other night. They exchanged messages all day and then it’s like Danielle disappeared.

What was going on?

Her phone rang. She got excited hoping it was Danielle. But it was Ken, Kiyah’s father.

“What’s up?” Jordan answered.

“Ugh, why you always trying to sound like a man?” He said disgusted.

“Why can’t you ever be a man?” Jordan retorted.

“I’ll always be more man than you.”

“That’s debatable,” She countered rolling her eyes. “What do you want?”

“To take my daughter away from you. That dike shit is nasty and she should know.”

She slammed the phone down. She hated giving him the time of day with an argument. Ken really was a piece of work. He has always been the biggest asshole ever.  Jordan couldn’t really understand how she let it get so far with him.

She was young and he was the quarterback at the time. All the girls wanted him and since rumors always surrounded her sexuality growing up, she wanted to do something to stop them. So she dated a guy. She tried to date a guy would be more accurate. They had sex and she got pregnant.

After a long day at work Jordan liked to come home and relax. She owns five car wash and detail shops. She likes to visit one or two every day for a few hours. It’s always unannounced and chosen randomly unless there’s a complaint. Her partner fills in for her from time to time.

When Jordan pulled up she could see that Kiyah was home because the lights were on. Jordan didn’t directly give her a baby sitter but she has her neighbor Ms. Margaret check on her every couple of hours. She even does a walk through for Jordan to make sure Kiyah is safe and alone.

Jordan grabbed the mail as she headed to her condo on the top floor. Downtown Manhattan was expensive living but Jordan loved it.

She called Ms. Margaret on the way up to let her know she was home. The elevator beeped on every floor, almost as quickly as Jordan sifted through the mail.

The elevator doors opened to Jordan’s floor but she stood there staring at the familiar handwriting on the envelope addressed to her at the bottom of the stack. Jordan felt her World tumbling down around her. The color drained from her face and her eyes widened.

“Mom.” Kiyah said meeting her at the elevator.

“Yes baby,” Jordan said snapping back to reality while her heart raced with fear.

“What’s wrong? You look like you saw a ghost,” Kiyah asked worried about her mom. She glanced at the stack of mail.

“Nothing.” Jordan put the letter back on the bottom quickly so Kiyah couldn’t see it, then took the envelope directly to her room.

Kiyah stood there. She didn’t understand her mom’s strange behavior but she brushed it off.

Jordan emerged from her bedroom with a fake smile on her face, “What do you want for dinner?”

“McDonald’s!” Kiyah said with no hesitation.

“No McDonald’s, your fast food quota for the week is maxed out.”

“Well, next time can I get a warning before my last meal?” She smiled.

“How about you stop wasting it on nasty McDonald’s,” Jordan laughed. “What do you want that we have here?”

“Mom, it’s not funny,” Kiyah said laughing, “Just make whatever.”

“Ok, remember you said that. Give me 30 minutes, and dinner should be ready.”

“Alright.” Kiyah kissed her mom on the cheek and left her alone to cook dinner.

Jordan sautéed some shrimp then steamed some rice and mixed vegetables for dinner. Her mind immediately went back to the letter. How did she find her again?

She texted her brother Omar, She’s back.

EP 5: Love is With Whom we Make It

Arianna watched the sunset, indulging in the moment. She realized that she and Shane shared more than just lunch. They shared an interest in people, politics, and much of the World. Sure he was fine but he was so much more than just his looks. They shared common goals and pasts. He was a companion intellectually. He was really something special.

“So I’ve been thinking. The conference is coming up and I wanted to know if you would go with me?” Shane blurted out uncomfortably.

“What? A conference?” Arianna panicked. She had known the attraction was mutual but they had never crossed the line. This would definitely change things between them. Was she ready for that next step? Was she really ready to get rid of Malachi and try to be happy with someone else?

“Yeah, with some partners. It’s a couple hundred miles away. I really mean no disrespect by it. I just want to get to know you better.”

“You’re serious?” Arianna looked alarmed, “You know I can’t just spend a week with you, I have a kid, and a boyfriend, whom I live with!”

“Why are you angry with me? I’m just trying to give us some time to see if we should pursue what’s between us.”

“Us? That’s ridiculous.” Arianna lied.

“You can’t deny that you feel it too.”

“You don’t know what I’m capable of feeling.” She was stubborn.

He really wanted her to reconsider. “Just take a couple days to think about it.”

“No. I’m not easy. You can’t just tell me you’re interested then ask me to sleep with you in the next sentence.”

“I never said we would sleep together. It’s a two bedroom suite. I just want to get to know you. I swear.”

“Swearing? Quite the gentleman’s promise.” She couldn’t help but to laugh, lightening the mood between them.

He laughed too, then grabbed her hands and stared into her eyes. Arianna’s body was convincing her that she was close to fulfilling her desires of Shane and everything that would come along with that.

“Give me a couple days to think about it.”

“Ok,” he answered sincerely.

Arianna considered going to the conference with him. He was right. There are many things they can’t do because she has to come home every night. The conference is for four days and will be out of town. It’s perfect.

On the way home from work she stopped to see her parents.

“So what is this conference for?” Her mother asked suspiciously.

“It’s for the partners. My boss invited me last minute. Someone else was supposed to go but they were fired. I can’t say I feel bad for them.”

“And why isn’t Malachi coming with you?”

“He has to work.”

“What are you going to tell him when he asks you?”

“Spouses aren’t invited and he does have to work.”

“Girl who do you think you’re fooling? You’re lying through your teeth and to your mom? Shame on you.”

“Mom, I’m not lying.”

“Mm hm,” Her mom appeared doubtful.

“Can you watch Carter?”

“So you can cheat on your little boyfriend?”

“Mom, it’s not cheating. It’s work.”

“You’re really sticking to that story? Sure, I’ll watch my grandbaby. You need to remember that whatever’s done in the dark will come to light.”

“Thank you mama and I know.”

“If you knew, you wouldn’t be doing this. You better hope Malachi believe it more than me.”

“Thanks mama. I’ll call you with the details.”

Her mom’s warning bothered her deep down. I mean she could always stick with the lie no matter what but she wasn’t good at lying and she really didn’t know where she stood with Malachi. Their relationship was rocky. The jealousy was becoming too much for Arianna. It’s crazy.

She wanted out. She wanted Malachi to care about her happiness instead of only his. He had some great qualities but all in all, she didn’t like the way he treated her.

She grabbed Carter from daycare and the weight of it felt confining. She and Malachi have been together for a little over three years. Carter’s only five and the weight of leaving the only father he’s ever really had, made her feel she was two tons.

It was definitely something to think about. It isn’t like she’s never cheated before. She just hadn’t considered leaving before.

The thought of being able to date who she wanted and have weekends of peace where she doesn’t have to fight with Malachi.

The last thing Arianna had to do was tell Malachi about the last minute trip and that Carter would not be staying with him but she really wanted to go.

She was excited by everything. She felt bad for spending a week with another man. Especially since she definitely wanted to do some very physical things to him.

He made her feel things that Malachi had been lacking for some time now.

She pulled into the driveway hesitantly. She was trying to prepare herself to lie better than she did to her mom.

EP 4: What a difference a day makes

Stacey stared as Danielle walked in the house. She could feel her blood boiling. “I called you like 20 times, did you turn your phone off?”
 
“Actually it was 15 times and I had my phone in my purse. I didn’t hear it. I’m going to bed though,” Danielle said brushing past her and into the bathroom.
 
Stacey realized that Danielle didn’t care that she came in late and probably did it to get back at her. So she pretended not to care.
 
Danielle emerged from the bathroom a couple minutes later in her pajamas.
 
“Did you have a good time?” Stacey asked trying to sound just as nonchalant.
 
“I had a great time, probably going out again this weekend.” Danielle said in a matter-of-fact tone, sliding into bed. “It’s better than staying in the house and sleeping alone.”
 
“You don’t sleep alone,” Stacey claimed as she slipped under the covers, wrapping her arm around Danielle, “You sleep with me.”
 
“Actually, we don’t sleep together at all,” Danielle said moving Stacey’s arm off of her. “And I don’t plan on sleeping with you now.” She got up and went to sleep on the couch.
 
The apartment was a one bedroom so they had a pull-out sofa in the living room for guests. She was exhausted so she just grabbed a blanket and wasn’t going to bother making the bed.
 
“You can sleep in the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch,” Stacey said feeling guilty.
 
“Fine with me.” Danielle left the blanket there, “Good night.” She climbed into her soft bed embracing her blanket and pillows. Some nights it was all she had to hold.  
 
How could she sleep after such a night?  First of all, Jordan. Yes Jordan. She blew her mind in a couple hours. Damn she was sexy. Really sexy. And smart. And so sweet. It’s rare that people have these qualities let alone a potential mate that was also interested in her. She was a little excited.
 
Then there’s Stacey. Danielle couldn’t believe that Stacey didn’t care about her calls being ignored. Why didn’t it matter to Stacey? Maybe it was really the end. The lease will expire in a couple months, she could stick it out and get her own place.
 
Danielle finally dozed off with two women on her mind.
 

Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, the alarm clock on her phone was relentless. Didn’t it know she’d only gotten three hours of sleep? She rolled over tapping the snooze button. She repeated this process for about two hours. “Ok, No more partying during the week,” she chastised as she stumbled out of bed and into the shower. She didn’t hear Stacey so she figured she’d left for work already.

She looked down at the stamp on her hand and last night’s memories rushed back to her. Jordan rushed back to her. Jordan. The connection they shared last night was amazing. They had one incredible conversation that lasted for hours and she was hooked. Jordan was an addiction that she was completely willing to partake in.

Stacey knocked on the bathroom door as Danielle was getting out of the shower.

“What? I thought you left?” Danielle answered.

“We need to talk about last night,” Stacey pleaded.

“Talk? There is really nothing to talk about.” Danielle opened the door, partially clothed.

Stacey stared at her body as she brushed past her. She was suddenly regretful of everything she risked losing just because she found other women attractive. “I disagree,” she argued.

“No, you just don’t like the taste of your own medicine.” Danielle smirked.

“I don’t. But that’s not the reason I want to talk.”

Danielle frowned her face in disbelief.

“It’s not the only reason Danielle damn, can I have two minutes? You slept all morning, I’m sure you could spare two minutes!”

“You’re wrong,” She said looking Stacey in the eyes, “I actually have no more time for you.” She walked out the door not waiting for Stacey’s response.

Stacey stared, watching her girlfriend walking away. She no longer recognized Danielle. What happened at that club last night? Did she cheat? Did she meet someone new? Had she been cheating all along? Dozens of questions raced through her mind.
 
Stacey had cheated so many times without getting caught that she had almost no boundaries. She didn’t care who she cheated with or how close they were to Danielle.
 
What happened last night? It was clear to Stacey that something changed. The thought of Danielle leaving her finally crossed her mind. She thought of what she normally does when she doesn’t come home all night. She panicked. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest. Danielle is going to leave.
 

Danielle drove to work feeling good. She was gaining control of her life again. That one little assertion of power made her feel as if she could conquer anything.

As soon as Danielle began working her phone rang, she was hoping it was Jordan.

“Hello,” Danielle answered sweetly. 

“Good morning, this is Jordan. Is this Danielle?”

“Yes,” Danielle smiled.

“I knew it, my heart skipped a beat when you spoke.”

“Did it?” She asked curiously as her heart fluttered.

“Yes” Jordan answered.

“Good morning Jordan.” Danielle said as a smile formed across her lips. She was blushing! Jordan thought about her continuously and threw her normal rules out of the window. She was different from any woman Jordan had ever run across.

“Save my number please.”

“Of course.” Danielle said getting goosebumps.  

Jordan didn’t want the conversation to end but had to get back to work. “Well, I’m working so give me a call a little later or text me.”

“Maybe, I’ll do both,” Danielle offered.

Jordan smiled again, blushing, “Maybe, I’ll hold you to that.”

 
 

Temptation and Betrayal – Hiding the Truth (EP 1)

“I’m tired of this shit. She could just be a real woman and tell me she doesn’t want to be here,” Danielle vented. She could feel the anger building inside of her.

“I told you to leave her a long time ago. I don’t even think Stacey has the capacity to be faithful,” Arianna said irritated.

“You know what Arianna, it’s hard for me to just up and leave after four years. I want us to work out.”

“I want a million dollars!” Arianna exclaimed, “but I know it’s not gonna happen.”

Danielle heard her the front door open. “She’s here girl. Thanks for talking to me I gotta go.”

“Bye girl.”

Danielle ended the call and turned the bedroom light on. Stacey stumbled in clearly tired and intoxicated.

“Where the fuck have you been?!” Danielle demanded as Stacey leaned against the doorway.

“Sorry babe my phone died,” She said not quite meeting Danielle’s eyes.

“So that excuses you for disappearing more than half the night.”

“This is ridiculous. I just got home. Damn!” Stacey defended.

“What’s been going on with you lately?”

Stacey lets out a sigh, “What are you talking about?”

“You! You’ve been super distant, coming home all hours of the night, and tonight I called you 10 times! You didn’t even answer!”

“I already told you my phone died and I didn’t get it,” Stacey claimed.

“Bullshit!”

Stacey took her shirt off revealing chiseled abs, her locs fell to her shoulders, outlining her face. Danielle could not help but to think about how sexy she looked undressing. It didn’t help that they hadn’t had sex in weeks. “You’re tripping right now. I just want to get ready for bed,” said Stacey.

“I’m tripping? Seriously? You come home at three in the morning and I’m the one with the problem? You must think I’m stupid.”

“I’m not discussing this with you right now. I’m taking a shower and going to bed.” Stacey finished undressing and jumped in the shower. She really did feel bad about coming in so late but she fell asleep. Lately things had been different. Danielle had been nagging continuously and Stacey honestly felt the end of the relationship was near but how could she tell her that?

The hot water streamed down her body washing away the sins of another woman. Was Stacey a cheater? Of course. Did she love Danielle? Yes. But this wasn’t really about love. They had been together since Stacey was pretty young, 21, and she was starting to feel as if maybe Danielle wasn’t the one.

Stacey considered the fact that she should comfort Danielle instead of acting like her concerns were unwarranted. She stepped out of the shower drying her body off and thinking about how good it used to be.

She walked into the room to see a frustrated Danielle lying on the bed crying.

Danielle felt stupid for crying. Why is she staying here? Is love really worth this pain? Is this even love?

Stacey knelt in front of her. Their eyes met, “I’m sorry babe. It’s been a really long night,” Stacey said wiping the tears from her girlfriend’s face. The pain she caused pierced her heart.

“A long night with you and some other bitch, but what about my night sitting here waiting for you?” Danielle turned away from her. She was hurt. Everything that she had done and sacrificed for this relationship seemed to mean nothing to Stacey.

“I wasn’t with another bitch,” Stacey lied. She felt guilt creep slowly through her body.

“Sure you weren’t,” Danielle said trying her best to stop crying.

Stacey slipped under the covers. Danielle inhaled her scent loving it but feeling betrayed, she turned away from her again.

Stacey’s hand made its way up Danielle’s shirt squeezing her breast gently. “Stop!” Danielle demanded quietly pushing her away but her nipples hardened betraying her.

“Don’t be mad. It won’t happen again,” Stacey promised sucking Danielle’s neck into her mouth making her submit.

Stacey slid her hand into Danielle’s panties. She wanted to resist but her body longed for Stacey’s touch. It had been too long. She let out a moan as her legs opened, welcoming Stacey. “Mm,” Danielle listened to Stacey’s stifled moans as her fingers ventured between her legs parting her lips. Stacey’s body was pressed firmly against Danielle’s as her fingers traveled deep inside Danielle finding the spot where she so desperately needed to be touched.

Stacey moaned as her fingers stroked Danielle leaving her breathless. She still had the best out there. Danielle’s body tightened as she moaned in pleasure. She could feel herself losing control of her body. “Damn,” she moaned. Stacey stroked her relentlessly until her hand was soaked in her juices. Danielle’s body shook with pleasure. “Stop,” she said as she removed Stacey’s hand from her. “Go sleep on the couch.”

“Damn,” Stacey said getting out of bed and heading for the couch.

Danielle felt bad for allowing Stacey’s hand to even touch her. Why couldn’t she respect her? Four years and their relationship meant nothing.

The Gay Debate

Will it ever be possible for people to mind their own damn business? In wake of the Freedom of Religion bills passing through states that are just salty that gay marriage passed a few things have occurred to me.

Mark 12:28-34 this is the NIV but read which ever you’d like

28 One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”29 “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a]30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[b] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[c] There is no commandment greater than these.”

32 “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him.33 To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

34 When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.

Hmm…. I don’t see anything about treating others without compassion for any reason. This actually says that we’re supposed to love one another. One of the issues that I have with organized religion is that it was created so that people could choose what rules they would follow, add new rules, and delete old ones.

It’s funny that people who claim to be so Christian are the first ones to ever tell someone that they’re going to hell. Seriously? Oh so I’m going to hell because I’m gay, but fornication is in our culture and fornicators get into heaven. There are no laws being considered that will stop people from catering weddings of former rapists. I could go on and on but I believe my point has been made.

Another thing I actually believe, is people who don’t want to cater to same-sex marriages should put it out there. In my opinion if you would prefer not to do it, I would prefer to bless someone that actually wants this.

I won’t make this a long post but I have to discuss my annoyances…. SO! I saw this comment one day that said homosexuality was put into the Bible by a homophobic King. My first thought is what is this chick talking about? So I researched it.

It was true! The Bible was translated to make homosexuality wrong. The King James version is not the first version of the Bible and was produced to be politically correct but more importantly was the first to add anything about homosexuality in it. Don’t believe me? Research it.

Anyone who reads about David and Jonathan can clearly see that they had much more than a friendship. They were in fact in love and two of God’s favorites.

The argument about reproduction is invalid as there are in fact so many kids in foster care that all gay couples could get one and there would be more to spare. Plus it’s 2015 gay couples can get pregnant.

One of my biggest pet-peeves about people against the LGBT community are those who feel that it is just lust. When we all lust. A heterosexual man lusts no more or less than a homosexual one. But why should our relationships be denounced because closed minded people feel that they can tell us who to love?

In the meantime, while people are worried about how gay our sex is… Al-Qaida is taking over entire cities. Cops are shooting black men because they can, and no one is watching to ensure our veterans are taken care of. But I see how gay sex is a top priority.

Delivered from Homosexuality

This has been on my heart for a while so I felt the need to address it. Before I start this article let’s get a few things straight, no pun intended. lol
God is very powerful. I really don’t believe that being gay is a sin. It’s hard for me to find the devil in reciprocated love when it is a fact that God is love.
I believe that being “delivered from homosexuality” is equivalent to going back in the closet in most cases.
A couple things that I’ve noticed:
1. There is a romantic quality to being in the closet. In my own experience I’ve noticed that there was a high with people not knowing who I really was. Being out is really anti-climactic, especially since no one really cares.
2. The people that claim to be delivered from homosexuality usually have proclaimed being gay since childhood. Those of us that really worked hard to live that straight life live with a lot less guilt than those who have never attempted it.
So what does being delivered from homosexuality really mean?
I assume what being delivered REALLY would mean is that you no longer have desires for the same sex. I think people who claim that their delivered in most cases are agreeing not to act on desires. Is that really deliverance? When God delivers you from disease does he just stop you from complaining? Or does he heal you fully, stopping the pain and the effects of the disease? I think we can all agree that it’s the latter.
I have a few concerns with the deliverance method.
Masculine women are required to be feminine and feminine men are required to be masculine? Does the way you dress define your sexuality?
I am a firm believer that God allows some people to be ok with things while others can’t. For example an alcoholic may feel guilty about a couple glasses of wine, but a person who only drinks every few weeks won’t have guilt attached to that.
Does this make drinking wine a sin? Well, yes for the alcoholic but not for the occasional drinker. If God puts something on your heart to do or not do, just do it.
To some people being with the same sex is pure lust. I can admit to lustful thoughts but are heterosexuals free from lust?
Yes, you can stomach sleeping with the other sex but is it fair to them that you can’t be wholly physically attracted to them?
We’re all human so yes being touched a certain way can turn you on regardless of who’s doing it. You can and should love anyone you have any type of relationship with… as a Christian.
What I’ve learned since being with women is that there is a difference when u actually enjoy that person’s body. Not just the sexual organs. I honestly didn’t know that a man’s body didn’t turn me on… until I got with a women.
I do believe it’s possible to be delivered from homosexuality but I also believe that some of us are meant to be gay. Just be sure that if you feel condemned about your sexuality it is because God put it in your heart and not because humans believe they are the Messiah and can send you to hell.
No one is perfect. We all sin daily but God loves is anyway. My biggest pet peeve is when people say they’re Christian but they say something like “Well Jesus did die for our sins… but that doesn’t mean you can sin and be forgiven.”
He either did or He didn’t. If you don’t believe He didn’t don’t claim to be a Christian.
Bottom line is that you need to do what you need to do to be happy. If God puts something on your heart and it’s really bothering you then correct it. However, if you believe that all your problems in life stem from being gay, you’re in for a rude awakening.
The truth is bad things happen to all of us regardless. Remember Job? You’re no Job but I’m just making a point that he was a very faithful man who followed the word of God to a T and still lost everything.
So just ensure that it’s God in your heart telling you to change your life and not the nay-sayers around you because only you know your relationship with God.