Tag Archives: ignorance

Virginity: One Hole, One Penis

It’s been a while but I was recently reminded that I need to keep up with this blog. I have many dating adventures which I will most definitely share.

I was having a conversation with a woman I speak with regularly. Usually it’s about a woman that we both are friends with, whom she claims to be so into. Today she says to me “It’s hard for me to know where I stand with you.” So I tell her, “I physically find you attractive but you have too much going on for me to consider being anything more than friends with you.”
Just so you have a background on her. She lives with a chick that she has sex with on the regular basis. She’s adopted and has many issues with her foster parents and her real parents. She is a really good looking woman externally, but internally she needs to find herself.
So later in the conversation, I asked her about being a “touch me not.” In case you don’t know what that is, it’s a woman that doesn’t like their lady parts being touched at all during sex. So she says something along the lines of, “I’ve learned from my friends about giving it up to people who don’t deserve it. I’m saving myself for love. I’m a true virgin.”
I respond, “I understand, I enjoy sex very much but it’s not satisfying when it’s not with someone I don’t care about.”
She says, “It won’t be until you learn to love yourself and that person also loves you.” Then she goes on this rant “People low key high key blow tf out me. Is the world so phuqd that Purity is so invincible. Self preservation must just be a thing of the past that died with chivalry and verbal articulation? This worlds abnormalities make me feel like a motherless child and the last of a dying breed.”
Obviously I felt that this was directed toward me although she didn’t specifically say it to me. I have a couple issues with her thinking.
1. She’s not a virgin, she uses a strap on to have sex with females and provides oral sex to them.
2. Who says I don’t love myself?
 
Although I was quite offended by her words, I understand that she has some issues that she needs to deal with herself. So I didn’t go off on her. Although I felt she deserves it. 
 
But I have ran across this issue many times. People who believe that virginity is the act of a man penetrating a woman’s vagina with his penis. Although I lost my virginity this way I believe that sex is sex period. 
 
I used to know this chick that enjoyed anal and oral sex. She also enjoyed being fingered BUT since her vagina had never been penetrated by a penis she calls herself a virgin. 
 
Do you see where I’m going with this? Forget me being offended by her assumption that I don’t love myself because I enjoy sex. Why would anyone who engages in sex consider themselves virgins. 
 
Maybe this is just my opinion but as a woman all those things I gave as an example would be sex if I did them or asked my significant other if they have done them. I assume in the straight World men are more lenient with fingering being sex but as lesbians this is something we do regularly in bed and there is no way it’s not sex. Also, if you can catch an STD from it, with the exception of kissing, it is definitely considered sex in my eyes. 
 
But you know what they say, “Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one.” Personally I’m teaching my son that sex is sex and he needs to protect himself no matter where he lays his mouth or penis. But hey, maybe it’s just me. 
 
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The Art of Coming Out

My best friend is getting married and she asked me if I was going to bring a date to the wedding. I told her that I would since my girlfriend pretty much volunteered to be my date. I mean seriously… who goes to a wedding alone? 

This sent me into panic mode. My best friend definitely knows I’m into females even though I think it makes her uncomfortable. It may just make me uncomfortable. I’m not sure.

I contemplated going with my girlfriend as a “friend” but I felt everyone would know anyway because she’s going to wear a tux that I’m sure she will look very good in and I’m gonna have a hard time not admiring her. She even volunteered to wear a dress. I thought that was very cute. 

As much as I like to look at feminine women, it’s something about a woman in men’s clothes that really gets me going, so no I don’t want her to show up in a dress.

I made a rational to decision to skip coming out altogether. The important people in my life know I’m into women but not that I have a girlfriend. So why make it a big deal?

I am by no means trying to keep my relationship a secret but rather I am going to mention it casually as to avoid getting asked questions I won’t or don’t want to answer. 

I tried this:

I’m on this long ass bus ride to see my sister. She stays about five hours away but the bus took an extra two hours. I sat next to this man for like three hours. He was black, 45 I heard him say, although he looked 50. He had long hair, in braids, gray and black. He spoke as if he was on drugs or drunk. I’m not sure, he was hard to understand at times. I found him funny. I must admit, I laugh a lot. 

I’m texting my girlfriend and he pulls out his phone and says, “mine be jumping look.” He was referring to facebook. I smile at him. Later in the conversation he asks me if I have Instagram. I made a face and said, “Kinda, I only have  one because my girl asked me to. I don’t have any pictures on there.” 

He responds, “Oh, ain’t nothing wrong with that.” Now I made a face at him and say, “Nothing wrong with what?”
He says, “You said your girl asked you.” I disengaged from this conversation. My issue being when the hell did I say there was something wrong with me having a girl. Clearly he was surprised since most of the World plays straight, but why act like it’s a problem?

Then he says something like, “Niggas be fucking up.” I am just blown away by how men take credit for women being with other women. 

Clearly if my husband was a good husband I wouldn’t be divorcing him but honestly I knew long ago that if we ever didn’t work out, I would be with a woman. I’ve always wanted to, I was just scared.

The only thing my husband is guilty of is making me not want to be with him. As far as me being with women, this is something I’ve always wanted since the beginning of time. 

I will see my oldest friend this weekend and I will see how her nosey ass reacts to the news.