Tag Archives: relationships

Ep 13: It’s Time for You to go

“You’re amazing.” Jordan stared into her eyes making Danielle blush.
“I’m glad you think so.” She smiled and looked away shyly.
“This last week has been one of the best I’ve had in a long time.” She stared into Danielle’s mahogany eyes. Mesmerized by the way they never let her go. It had been a week since she’d been released from the hospital.
“I’ve enjoyed this time too. It’s incredible.”
Danielle enjoyed spending time at Jordan’s house. She had a rooftop apartment that overlooked the city. The floors were a beautiful beige Marble. The kitchen had black marble countertops with all stainless steel appliances. It was beautiful. It was like Jordan was rich.
Kiyah was spending a couple weeks down south with her cousin. Summer vacation had started and Jordan wanted to get her away from everything and make sure she stays safe because Pauline is back. It’s been two years since she’s allowed herself to fall for another woman and the same thing keeps happening.
Maybe she wasn’t the one that hit Danielle but even considering the possibility of it made Jordan feel guilty. Was she supposed to be single forever?
“What’s wrong?” Danielle asked worried. Jordan’s emotion showed through her face.
“Nothing, it’s just that I need to handle some business today, you can hang out if you want though.”
“I have to get caught up on work myself.” Danielle rolled out of bed.
“Tomorrow I’m taking you out.” Jordan smiled and kissed her cheek.
Danielle grabbed her things. She turned the doorknob to leave but then turned to face Jordan.
“I know it hasn’t been long, but I really don’t want to lose you.”
“I feel the same way,” Jordan expressed sincerely. Danielle smiled and left Jordan’s house feeling good.
Lighter and free. Jordan made her feel safe. It was if she could do anything.
Jordan kissed her gently. Her skilled tongue caressed Danielle leaving her panting.
Her hands found their way down Danielle’s back, make her tremble from the passion. She let out a breathless moan, stifled by the soft lips of Jordan.
Jordan gently squeezed her bottom, pulling Danielle into her, making them one.
“Jordan…” she whispered coming up for air. Jordan laid her on her back. Danielle sank comfortably into the soft leather. Everything felt surreal.
She admired the high ceilings and the way the sunlight fell into the room. She lifted her hips as Jordan pulled her shorts off.
Jordan climbed on top of her kissing every inch of her body that she came into contact with.
Her phone rang. It was Izzy, her sister. “Sorry Jordan,” she whispered slipping gently from under her.
She picked up her phone. “Dani, please let me come out there. I can’t deal with them… They’re so old and out of touch.”
“What? You want to come up here and do what? You can’t stay out of trouble in Georgia but in New York you will?”
“I’m not getting in trouble sis.”
“Izzie, why are you lying to me?” Danielle laughed.
Izzie shifted uncomfortably, “I really need your help.”
“What now?” Danielle rolled her eyes.
“I just need a place to stay for a few weeks.”
“And you think you can stay here?”
“Dani…”
“Don’t Dani me. I talked to mom while I was in the hospital.”
“So you’re just gonna believe mom right? Because you always take her side!?”
“There are no sides! You have been spiraling out of control for the last year.”
“Mom… you sound just like her. If you would even listen to a word I’m saying.”
“What are you saying?”
“I need help.”
“Why? Izzie? Why?” Danielle was frustrated.
“I can’t stay here with them. I just need a few weeks to save up.”
“Well, it’s not the best place out here,”
“Danielle, please.” Izzie begged.
“Tell the truth.”
“Mom and dad kicked me out.”
“Damn… for what?”
“Joe was in my room. And I wasn’t supposed to have him in the house anymore.”
“So you snuck a lil boy in the house.”
“He’s a man Danielle. He’s 21.”
“A man wouldn’t have to sneak into anyone’s house. And you’re 19. Young and just dumb as hell.”
“Maybe you should try listening instead of judging me.” Izzie hung up the phone. She was sad.
Joe had been acting funny since she told him that she was pregnant.
Danielle said her good byes to Jordan and pulled off in her rental car.
Even though she and Stacey broke up they still lived together and Stacey made it known that she’s not leaving.
She was spending more time than usual at home and it bothered Danielle.
“When do you plan on moving out?” Stacey asked frowning.
“This is my place, you moved in with me.” Danielle was appalled that she would even ask that.
“You just want a reason to be in my face. You just want to know what I’m doing.” Stacey smiled.
“I actually don’t. I assume that you’re doing the same things you did when we were together. When’s the last time you’ve been tested?”
“Why are you worried about it? You’ll never taste this again, not even if you begged. Arianna has a better chance. Her head game is way better than yours.”
“As if you would know. Shut up Stacey. Why don’t you go stay with one of the chicks you fucking?”
“Because they’re not as dumb as you. I’ll have to do that relationship shit. I don’t want to.”
“You could’ve let me know instead of being an asshole. You’re a worthless ass bitch.”
“I’m worthless? Worth more than the chick you fucking with now. I would never get with a chick that’s living with another bitch. Fuck outta here. She’s using you for sex. And you’re giving it to her.”
“You ain’t shit Stacey. How about you mind your own fucking business.”
The doorbell rang silencing their fight. Danielle looked at Stacey suspiciously.
“What? It’s probably one of your hoes,” Stacey said chuckling.
She looked in the peephole to see Izzie. She opened the door. “Izzie what are you doing here?”
“I had nowhere else to go.”

EP 4: What a difference a day makes

Stacey stared as Danielle walked in the house. She could feel her blood boiling. “I called you like 20 times, did you turn your phone off?”
 
“Actually it was 15 times and I had my phone in my purse. I didn’t hear it. I’m going to bed though,” Danielle said brushing past her and into the bathroom.
 
Stacey realized that Danielle didn’t care that she came in late and probably did it to get back at her. So she pretended not to care.
 
Danielle emerged from the bathroom a couple minutes later in her pajamas.
 
“Did you have a good time?” Stacey asked trying to sound just as nonchalant.
 
“I had a great time, probably going out again this weekend.” Danielle said in a matter-of-fact tone, sliding into bed. “It’s better than staying in the house and sleeping alone.”
 
“You don’t sleep alone,” Stacey claimed as she slipped under the covers, wrapping her arm around Danielle, “You sleep with me.”
 
“Actually, we don’t sleep together at all,” Danielle said moving Stacey’s arm off of her. “And I don’t plan on sleeping with you now.” She got up and went to sleep on the couch.
 
The apartment was a one bedroom so they had a pull-out sofa in the living room for guests. She was exhausted so she just grabbed a blanket and wasn’t going to bother making the bed.
 
“You can sleep in the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch,” Stacey said feeling guilty.
 
“Fine with me.” Danielle left the blanket there, “Good night.” She climbed into her soft bed embracing her blanket and pillows. Some nights it was all she had to hold.  
 
How could she sleep after such a night?  First of all, Jordan. Yes Jordan. She blew her mind in a couple hours. Damn she was sexy. Really sexy. And smart. And so sweet. It’s rare that people have these qualities let alone a potential mate that was also interested in her. She was a little excited.
 
Then there’s Stacey. Danielle couldn’t believe that Stacey didn’t care about her calls being ignored. Why didn’t it matter to Stacey? Maybe it was really the end. The lease will expire in a couple months, she could stick it out and get her own place.
 
Danielle finally dozed off with two women on her mind.
 

Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, the alarm clock on her phone was relentless. Didn’t it know she’d only gotten three hours of sleep? She rolled over tapping the snooze button. She repeated this process for about two hours. “Ok, No more partying during the week,” she chastised as she stumbled out of bed and into the shower. She didn’t hear Stacey so she figured she’d left for work already.

She looked down at the stamp on her hand and last night’s memories rushed back to her. Jordan rushed back to her. Jordan. The connection they shared last night was amazing. They had one incredible conversation that lasted for hours and she was hooked. Jordan was an addiction that she was completely willing to partake in.

Stacey knocked on the bathroom door as Danielle was getting out of the shower.

“What? I thought you left?” Danielle answered.

“We need to talk about last night,” Stacey pleaded.

“Talk? There is really nothing to talk about.” Danielle opened the door, partially clothed.

Stacey stared at her body as she brushed past her. She was suddenly regretful of everything she risked losing just because she found other women attractive. “I disagree,” she argued.

“No, you just don’t like the taste of your own medicine.” Danielle smirked.

“I don’t. But that’s not the reason I want to talk.”

Danielle frowned her face in disbelief.

“It’s not the only reason Danielle damn, can I have two minutes? You slept all morning, I’m sure you could spare two minutes!”

“You’re wrong,” She said looking Stacey in the eyes, “I actually have no more time for you.” She walked out the door not waiting for Stacey’s response.

Stacey stared, watching her girlfriend walking away. She no longer recognized Danielle. What happened at that club last night? Did she cheat? Did she meet someone new? Had she been cheating all along? Dozens of questions raced through her mind.
 
Stacey had cheated so many times without getting caught that she had almost no boundaries. She didn’t care who she cheated with or how close they were to Danielle.
 
What happened last night? It was clear to Stacey that something changed. The thought of Danielle leaving her finally crossed her mind. She thought of what she normally does when she doesn’t come home all night. She panicked. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest. Danielle is going to leave.
 

Danielle drove to work feeling good. She was gaining control of her life again. That one little assertion of power made her feel as if she could conquer anything.

As soon as Danielle began working her phone rang, she was hoping it was Jordan.

“Hello,” Danielle answered sweetly. 

“Good morning, this is Jordan. Is this Danielle?”

“Yes,” Danielle smiled.

“I knew it, my heart skipped a beat when you spoke.”

“Did it?” She asked curiously as her heart fluttered.

“Yes” Jordan answered.

“Good morning Jordan.” Danielle said as a smile formed across her lips. She was blushing! Jordan thought about her continuously and threw her normal rules out of the window. She was different from any woman Jordan had ever run across.

“Save my number please.”

“Of course.” Danielle said getting goosebumps.  

Jordan didn’t want the conversation to end but had to get back to work. “Well, I’m working so give me a call a little later or text me.”

“Maybe, I’ll do both,” Danielle offered.

Jordan smiled again, blushing, “Maybe, I’ll hold you to that.”

 
 

The Art of Coming Out part II

I’m spending a week with my girlfriend and I basically get to be openly “out” for lack of a better word. So, I do get way more stares. That honestly doesn’t bother me at all. But we were on the bus riding back from Walmart (I know, I prefer not to shop there), and this older man and woman were on there and it had been the second time I’d seen them. She had an accent I’m not sure if he did since he didn’t say anything. They were both black and she sounded like she was from an island like Jamaica or something.

He was passing us, walking down the aisle. I was holding my girlfriend’s hand. I pretty much watched him the whole time. I’m not sure why, he just made me curious I guess. He looked at our hands. Then looked at me. I smiled at him and he frowned at me.

I’m not used to getting that type of response from people. I’m going to be honest, the thought of a random person frowning at me because who I choose to be with had never crossed my mind. I would call that more than anything something that opened my eyes. It is hard enough being black without adding the LGBT title.

I wasn’t mad or hurt, I actually find it kind of amusing minus the fact that I fear being targeted for a hate crime. It’s kind of weird to feel as if I’m in more danger for being “out” of the closet than in. Am I the only one who has these fears? People in life are so ridiculous.

There was an incident at the liquor store. We were arguing in a very playful manner and the cashier, who seemed to be the owner or manager, I’m not sure, seemed delighted to have us. He was very amused by our banter.

I suppose I can take the good with the bad. In this case I really don’t have a choice, I just want to be who I am. I really am doing my best to avoid allowing what other people think to influence my life.

I feel like people want you to make decisions that would fit their life more than your own. That’s not to say that people can’t give good advice, just that you have to ask the person with the correct perspective. You wouldn’t ask someone who’s never had a job advice on a resume and if you do, I would question how serious you are about this job that you want.

People can never really know how it feels to be you and go through what you’ve experienced. Experiences affect the way we think, our emotions, and even our decisions. Sometimes people and their negativity can sway our decisions or efforts that we make.

I don’t really want to hear people’s advice or “I told you so” if/when things go wrong. I’m not living my life to be right. I’m living my life to be me. I assume that finding my way means that some people will be unhappy about it. I guess I will notice whether those people are relevant or not.

To Love a Woman

After many years of wanting, I finally decided to give women a chance. Please don’t make me explain that this has absolutely nothing to do with my taste in men. That is another subject entirely.

Since I was with the same man for over a decade, I really don’t remember the whole dating game thing.

What I learned about women, the gay ones anyway, is that they can be more heartless and ruthless than any man. Yes, I’ve had my heartbroken. No, I’m not bitter. I’m just aware.

Women connect with each other on a very different level than men. When I meet one that I really like the connection is very emotional and extremely sexual. I lose points for this in the gay World I know. The truth is I am sexually attracted to both genders.

So my issue with women is one that I dont have with men. So, meet a woman, she’s beautiful and she loves the attention and the compliments she gets from me but in the back of her mind she is questioning everything I say. Trying to protect herself from getting “played.” In doing so I’m the one who ends up on the losing end.

With men, they may be slow to give you their heart but if they like you, they won’t dismiss you. Women, will give you their heart and not show you, just because they want the upper hand.

I personally don’t get it. Being that I am an extremely emotional person I have a problem keeping my feelings a secret. This does not equate to me falling in love easily. However, this does leave people feeling vulnerable when it comes to me. 

Maybe its that I have had more experience with men. I read them better, I assume they just want sex until they prove me wrong. Unfortunately my parents didn’t teach me how to deal with women.

I also find that my preference in the more masculine women may also be an issue. Some have complexes. Yes I prefer women that wear baggier clothes and don’t care about make up or their nails.

I also prefer women who know that they’re women and will let me treat them as such.

I used to be friends with this female in “transition” and I considered seriously what it would be like to date someone like that. Being with a woman is much, much more than just sex. I mean my family would never have to know that he used to be she.

These are issues that I have run into with these females. I call them complexes. I’m not judging. This is just what I found.

1. Overly dominant to the point of annoyance. I’m fine with submitting especially in the bedroom but sometimes its taken too far. If you’re threatened by me disagreeing with you, we have nothing to talk about. 

2. Major family issues. “My mom doesn’t like me” “she doesn’t like that I’m gay”
These women have mothers and/or fathers who don’t support them in their sexual preference. Ok mom you may not like the fact that your daughter enjoys anal sex but its no reason to treat them bad. Alienation from their family is something that I see very often to the point where I would prefer a female that gets along with her parents. 

2. Lack of ambition. I understand that you didn’t like school and your job sucks, so make a plan to change it. How many times do I have to suggest doing something with your life?

3. Lack of confidence. We are all insecure about something but most people understand that it is you as a whole that makes you beautiful, not specific features. I don’t want to argue with a female about how beautiful she is. 

4. Too much confidence. This chick thinks she can have whomever she wants and her standards are high… in physical appearance only. 

5. Crazy health issues. I’m not even going to elaborate on that one. I just don’t wanna be with someone who’s sick all the time.

6. They hate their vagina. Being a woman is amazing and it’s hard for me to understand a woman that doesn’t enjoy multiple orgasms. The clitoris is a wonderful place.

I’m still new to this so I’m not claiming to know everything. I just know what I’ve been through. It’s easy to fall in love with a woman, they appeal to every part of my being but loving them is not always easy.