Tag Archives: society

Faces of Truth

Most humans these days are genetically engineered. My sister and I both had all of our features hand picked by our parents.

Not everyone can afford to handpick everything. Those that can’t, have to get at least one feature, the facade lines. It allows emotions and feelings to be shown on the face. At first people boycotted it but they found themselves outcast beyond the grid. The ones in our faces pulsated when we are angry or scared. It turns blue when we’re happy and red when we’re angry. The lines differentiate us from those outside the grid.

The grid is the area around the town that blocks us off from the rest of the World. It looks like a grid too. It’s a black wall that contains changing graphics representing the current state of Perfecta, our town.

The Green was the healthiest, then blue, yellow, orange, and red. I have never saw it go past yellow. When it does hit yellow that usually means the outcast are attempting new entry. This was allowed after serious screening. However, when it goes to orange that means outcasts are trying to enter illegally. This also includes people from the outside who try to enter without permission.

The dome is protected by Vamphoons and our Perfect Soldiers. The Vamphoons are like cannons that are actually connected to the dome. As of now the dome itself has been impenetrable. The Perfect Soldiers are robot men that surround the outside of the dome. They deny and grant entry. As an interpreter, I am able to sign into the robots at anytime to see the outside World.

I entered my hall and began to do my usual nightly routine. First my nightly injections for the facade lines. You could actually get away with not taking the injections for a month but my job requires that I take them daily.

Earlier today I ran into Kim who was obviously scared. Her lines kept jumping. I have known her, pretty much my whole life. She went to classes with my sister and I.

We have the same assignment so I see her everyday. We both monitor the grid to ensure it’s at it’s best health and we prevent unhealthy states.

There is a lot involved in the health; the people and their state of mind, the economy, and the actual health of the manufactured Earth.

When I left the grid was fading to blue. That’s not usually a huge cause for concern but it seems as though Kim knows more than she let on.

I sat down and turned on the Cintron. It is kind of like a computer was in the old days but it does more. There’s no keyboard. The screen connects right into the facade lines and transmits our thoughts and what we want to do. My sister had just gotten married and moved to the other side of town, so I often communicated with her this away.

The next morning I got up and the grid was yellow. I’ve never seen it change so quickly.  I got to work and spotted Kim in her office.

She was calmer but still was in a very uncomfortable state. Her lines pulsated and were a copper color I’ve never seen before. “What’s going on Kim?” I asked her, clearly worried.

“Close the door,” She whispered. I did as she asked, stepping into her office. “We’re under attack,” she confessed.

“Attack?”

“Yes, look at this.” She turned the screen of her Cintron around. I could see that she had connected to one of the robots eyes. The town was surrounded by men and cannons.

“How did it get this bad?”

“When’s the last time you were connected?” She asked.

“Maybe two days ago.”

“We’re in trouble Scott.”

“The daily checks were not done as required. It’s too late to stop them. War will start.”

“What?!” I felt fear creep though my veins.

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Diary of a Dying Man

I turned the corner, my heart pounding. I looked left watching as people walked the street normally. Not being witness to the horror that I’d encountered with my own eyes. I pulled my hood up slipping into the nearest clothing store I could find. Funny how my teenage daughter crossed my mind at this very moment. If I make it out of this alive, I am definitely getting in touch with her.

I purchased a new coat and a scarf that I ensured covered my face. Boston was no stranger to cold weather so it was very easy to hide myself. I reached into my pocket touching the pen that my boss had given me. She told me that if I were ever in trouble I would be able to use it. But it could only be used one time, so I needed to ensure its safety until then. I did not know what would come of the pen that would bring me some kind of instant salvation. It was a nice thought though.

I walked down the street blending in with the evening foot traffic. It would be hard for them to find me now. I caught the subway back to the safe house. As hard as I had worked, I’ve always known that one day it would come to this point.

I sat down at the table, pouring myself a glass of wine. It was almost guaranteed that I will die tonight yet the only thing I can think of is how I will finish this mission even through my death.

I collected my lap top from the hidden compartment in the table. I compressed all the files and sent them to three people. I called my daughter unable to resist hearing her voice one last time. She had never known me but I have always been here for her. It was always important that I avoided the people from the past. She should know that not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.

I don’t do this job because I love my country, or the law, or justice. I do this job because I’m good at it and I actually like it. It’s just a plus that I get to hurt assholes. I slid my laptop back into the table after wiping it clean.

I checked outside to see cars approaching. There was definitely a leak. I had lived the last fifteen years with an unwavering adrenaline rush. I could feel it now. I heart pounded. My hearing was magnified and I could hear foot steps approaching the door.

Suddenly five men entered into the safe house. I looked them in the eye and pointed the pen directly at them pressing down.

How Must we Measure a Man (or Woman)

When it comes to who we are and who we define ourselves as, it’s important that we avoid judgement just as we avoid judging others. We sometimes tend to be too hard on ourselves. 

We look at rich people on TV and even when they’re drug addicts we consider them successful. On the other hand, the man who’s making forty thousand a year with a loving family at home is not. 

It’s ok that you didn’t finish school. Don’t worry about how you missed that opportunity to make a lot of money or see someone one last time before they left this Earth. Somethings are just meant to be. At no time are we told that this life would be easy. It’s not. 

No matter what you do in this World, you will come to a struggle. It’s not only money and things we buy with money that we struggle with. We struggle with right and wrong, abuse, mistreatment, ignorance, and many other things. Why should I live up to anyone else’s standards when our Worlds are nothing alike? 

I just advise that when we measure our successes, we don’t compare them to others. We compare them to ourselves; What we went through and what we still achieved even though times got hard; Those moments when we felt most alone in this World but we kept the faith and pushed through because we knew that things would get better. 

Making the wrong decisions in life doesn’t make you a bad person. Your past makes you who you are today. If you don’t like the person you are then make some changes. As long as you’re making an effort to make those changes, you are successful. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is, people will look at you and judge you based on what you have or have not accomplished and that’s fine. At the end of the day just make sure you know what you, your faith, and your determination have brought you through. As long as you recognize that and strive to do better you are successful.

Donald Sterling… News or nah?

I’m sure by now we have all heard about the Clippers’ owner being racist. First, I’m not surprised. This won’t be a rant about racism because honestly, gay shit means more to me. But I have a few opinions on this. 

Let me start by saying that I hate sports and randomly ran into this story on youtube while watching Family Feud videos.

Yes, he’s retarded. He has a young ass, pretty ass, half black girlfriend but feels like it’s ok to demean half of her. He’s the type of person who thinks that slavery benefitted black people because we don’t have to live in a poverty stricken Africa. I have seen someone who actually believes this. I can’t make this stuff up.

I’m sure that we all have racist thoughts or basic characteristics that we associate with a certain type of people. I personally don’t actually associated people with their race when forming opinions of them.

Who you are in this World dictates what you can and can’t say. Simply put, it’s probably not ok for Obama to call anyone an asshole publicly. That’s not racist, sexist, nationalist, but it is kind of mean and low class when when think about our president.

I definitely believe that people have a right say whatever they want however, I also believe that you must deal with the consequences accordingly. 

The man is 80 and old as shit… seriously. He’s gonna make a grip when he sells the team and it’s basically impossible to teach an 80 year old anything when it comes to beliefs and personality… why try?

The chick tho! We all know that she was too young and too cute to be with him anyway. I assume that she would’ve stayed around longer had he not degraded her simply for being half black. I put up with more from my soon-to-be ex husband.

Ok, so we won’t address how this woman is 60 years younger than him. There are so many things wrong with this story. Oh! The killer is that the NAACP was about to give this bigot a lifetime achievement award… fucked my head up!

Recording a conversation is illegal if the other person doesn’t know they’re being recorded. Something his lawyer may or may not address. 

The truth is, all of this shits irrelevant. If it wakes people up and let them know that there is racism in this country, I like it. The people that are most outraged are the team I’m sure. I think they are most affected by this and my heart goes out to them.

It’s already disturbing that most of the players on these sports teams are black and more often than not, the team is owned by some old white man who’s ancestors probably owned slaves. 

Anyway, when it comes to old people, you have to realize that they don’t give a fuck. They’re old. They say what they think. They already lived that life where they had to hold their tongue. Why do it until your deathbed?

Glamorously in the closet plus other stuff

There must be some type of glamorous ideals associated with “coming out.’ When I was deciding whether or not I should actually come spend the week with my girlfriend, I actually felt down about how it’s not so glamorous to be gay. lol. 

No, honestly I think there is some type of anticipation associated with coming out… before I came out here to be all free and open, I considered how anti-climatic this openly gay life would be. 

I’ve been watching all these videos and obsessing over how to tell my family. Honestly, it has been kind of dry and unappealing. I am almost 100% certain that no one will care. They will all look at me and say… “ok” lmao. That will be the end of that. 

I raided my gf’s stuff and found a rainbow ring… Hey!! I ain’t mad. So I put on the ring and rode to the train station. I’m all rainbow geared out. I’m putting my stuff in my seat, like I like it and the guy next to me looks at my ring, then introduces himself. He was obviously gay lol. 

Good experience? I think so.

Honestly, the time I spent with her was really awesome. I wish it didn’t have to end. Unfortunately, this is real life and I have to be without. I can say that I enjoyed her more and more each day.

Let’s talk about my experiences while I’ve been laying under a hot sexy body. The first issue… my husband. At first he was texting me non stop everyday. Then he found out where I was because he signed into my phone account online. He called it an accident… stalked much? He was so mad. I can’t deny that I was laughing. 

The other thing that happened was the first girl I ever talked to text me. Any time I get seriously involved with someone, she pops up. It’s like magic and shit.  Last year I fell in love with this girl. The first woman I ever loved liked that. I hope this explains the stupidity in the story I’m about to tell. There was no one on Earth I wanted to be with more than her. Let’s call her Sharice. That seems like a nice girlie name that doesn’t describe her at all.

To sum up Sharice and I, we met last year mid April. We were talking but not in a relationship. We were having issues, I used to go off on her BUT I was trying to change. Probably the same way my husband was “trying” to change how he mistreated me. She taught me that I can’t talk to people any way I want to … even if I am mad. It was a much needed lesson I think.

I swear that girl was my everything but then all of a sudden, it was over. 

In June she just popped up with a girlfriend. I was so hurt. I can’t even describe the pain I felt. I just told her that I was done and we can’t be friends or anything. A month later I contacted her like “I miss you” “I don’t want to live without you.” I was serious too. So we started talking again. 

She broke up with her girlfriend then about a month or so later she got back with her girlfriend and completely stopped talking to me. I was seriously devastated, There are no other words to describe how I felt. I was calling and texting her but she wouldn’t answer me back. I only tried for a few days, then I let it go. 

So after about a month of not hearing from her, she contacts me out of the blue. I accept her back with a little more caution but I still wanted to be with her.  Plus she told me that she loved me. I figured she did even if she hadn’t said it al that time. My emotions wanted her. My brain kept asking me “Am I stupid?” My conclusion is yes. I absolutely am stupid.

Let me tell you the really stupid part. In December, I was talking to this chick exclusively, she wanted to be my girlfriend and I kept saying no. Then Sharice broke up with her girlfriend. I was actually concerned that if I got a girlfriend it would ruin my chances with her. A shame I know. 

They broke up for a good month I guess. She actually got mad at me for calling her, her girlfriend.

Fast forward to a little over a month ago, I text her and didn’t hear anything back. I saw that she was back with her girlfriend and just assumed that the same shit was just happening again. My feelings were hurt but by now I’m used to it and I have a girlfriend so I wasn’t tripping about it. 

Anyway, she text me and claim that she got a new phone and all her contacts had been deleted. She told me that she had been trying to figure out my number.

I ask her about her love life. She says, “I’m still with my girlfriend it’ll be a year in June.” 

Then I say, “Still? lol. I remember y’all being on and off, but last time I checked y’all were off.”

Apparently I was being condescending lmao. 

I tell her my conclusion about not talking to me because she got back with her girlfriend. She wants to pretend like that wasn’t the reason but I just feel like I been through it before. What she doesn’t understand is that I don’t care. She’s crazy, her bitch is crazy, they belong together. Not to be rude. 
     

The Art of Coming Out part II

I’m spending a week with my girlfriend and I basically get to be openly “out” for lack of a better word. So, I do get way more stares. That honestly doesn’t bother me at all. But we were on the bus riding back from Walmart (I know, I prefer not to shop there), and this older man and woman were on there and it had been the second time I’d seen them. She had an accent I’m not sure if he did since he didn’t say anything. They were both black and she sounded like she was from an island like Jamaica or something.

He was passing us, walking down the aisle. I was holding my girlfriend’s hand. I pretty much watched him the whole time. I’m not sure why, he just made me curious I guess. He looked at our hands. Then looked at me. I smiled at him and he frowned at me.

I’m not used to getting that type of response from people. I’m going to be honest, the thought of a random person frowning at me because who I choose to be with had never crossed my mind. I would call that more than anything something that opened my eyes. It is hard enough being black without adding the LGBT title.

I wasn’t mad or hurt, I actually find it kind of amusing minus the fact that I fear being targeted for a hate crime. It’s kind of weird to feel as if I’m in more danger for being “out” of the closet than in. Am I the only one who has these fears? People in life are so ridiculous.

There was an incident at the liquor store. We were arguing in a very playful manner and the cashier, who seemed to be the owner or manager, I’m not sure, seemed delighted to have us. He was very amused by our banter.

I suppose I can take the good with the bad. In this case I really don’t have a choice, I just want to be who I am. I really am doing my best to avoid allowing what other people think to influence my life.

I feel like people want you to make decisions that would fit their life more than your own. That’s not to say that people can’t give good advice, just that you have to ask the person with the correct perspective. You wouldn’t ask someone who’s never had a job advice on a resume and if you do, I would question how serious you are about this job that you want.

People can never really know how it feels to be you and go through what you’ve experienced. Experiences affect the way we think, our emotions, and even our decisions. Sometimes people and their negativity can sway our decisions or efforts that we make.

I don’t really want to hear people’s advice or “I told you so” if/when things go wrong. I’m not living my life to be right. I’m living my life to be me. I assume that finding my way means that some people will be unhappy about it. I guess I will notice whether those people are relevant or not.

Defining my Sexuality

I broke down my life to see if I am really gay or not. 

1. My first kiss was with a girl. The first time I had an orgasm with another individual it was a female.

2. I told my brothers when I was like nine that I liked girls. There were no girls that I actually liked. For some reason, I just felt like it. 

3. When I was 11 I fantasized about how nice it would be to have my own place and come home to a woman every night. 

4. At 14, I had my first crush on a girl. 

5. My sophomore year in high school there was this girl I wanted to talk to but I was scared. 

6. I told my friends at 22 that I was bisexual. 

7. I have always had a nagging jealous type of feeling when I see other lesbian couples. I have never felt this way about straight couples.

During the time with my husband whom I’ve been with since 17, I have talked to numerous women. Men too but not nearly as much as women. During my time as a kid I had been perceived as “boy crazy” but honestly most guys I didn’t care for, I talked to them just to do it. As I get older, I am less and less attracted to men.  

I really feel like I’m gay. I’m not completely sure because when I see dark skin men, the really dark ones, I still feel very attracted to them. Still the thought of putting another dick in my mouth makes me feel ugh. 

Even when I did it for my husband it made me feel disrespected, even though I liked pleasing him at some point. I can honestly say it’s been over a year since I have enjoyed sex with him.  

I’ve known for a very long time that if him and I ended, I would be with women. 

Honestly, being straight is very, very hard for me. The hardest part about being with a women is dealing with society. Which, for the most part is disturbed by it.